I'm Not A Doctor, I Just Play One On TV

It's party time.

I went to the doctor yesterday about the freckle thing on my back that I thought for sure was slowing killing me and they said there was nothing to worry about. It wasn't suspicious at all.

*Deep cleansing breath*

In other news, I'm about to jump on the Gillian Michaels bandwagon with her video The 30 Day Shred.  I've heard such glowing reviews from my friends who have tried it such as:

"I can't feel my legs."

"Gillian Michaels is Satan reincarnate."

And my personal favorite:

"If I had a Gillian Michaels voodoo doll, I'd drop a free weight on it's head."

Intriguing, yes?

I ordered the DVD and it's been siting on my kitchen counter being the elephant in the room since oh, last week or maybe 2 weeks ago. It takes me some time to work into these things. Stop judging me. I mean, I've read the back cover about 60 times at least...that's good for something I'm sure.

I've also been using a online program: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/

It's all free and it's wonderful.  I've been using it for 20 days straight. the basis of it is that you log all your calories that you eat during the day in their FREE food diary. Signing up is quick and simple. During the sign up portion is when you figure how many calories you need to be eating to lose the recommended 1 pound a week. There are also options to gain weight and even stay at your current weight through maintenance. They also have community boards where you can ask questions or read about others fitness journeys.

No, they aren't paying me to say all of this but if someone from there happens to read this...*eyebrow raise*...then we can work something out I'm sure.

I've also started thinking about the St. Patrick's Day 5K that is held in Ann Arbor each year. I haven't run in 2 months but what better way to get back into it than a run that ends with a free beer? Seriously. That's just pure genius on their part.

Wow

What a difference a year makes...Carrie (mentioned in prior posts aka Cancer Warrior Chick) has been cancer free for an entire year! Amazing. Emotional. Inspiring.

My wonderful friend, Missy, is cancer free and just had a beautiful baby girl. What a gift.

It's been a year since Rose was stolen from us by her cancer. She is another amazing and inspirational woman. I think about Jess, her daughter and my friend, during this time and wonder what do you say to help ease the pain? I've decided that nothing will ever help that, the void will always be there. So instead I send her texts that say things like, "Hey! I was just thinking about you, hoping that you're doing well. Love you!". Not enough. Never enough.

I have a doctor's appointment next week. I've had this freckle/mole/beauty mark on my back that has been bothering me for a while. It's changed shape, raised a bit and now it's itching. I'm worried, I can't lie. I've seen what people go through when something little turns into something much bigger than they thought. I'm trying not to overreact which for me is like trying to keep an ice cube from melting on the pavement in July.

I haven't been running since winter hit Michigan. It's just too cold and I can't face the treadmill. I've got running on my mind though. I am looking forward to the first sign of Spring so I can strap my shoes back on and pound some pavement. I haven't forgotten why I first started running though. It's with me every time I think about it, read about it, talk about it. I started for Rose and I was inspired by Carrie and Missy.

I run so that maybe I won't be someone else's inspiration in the future.

You Know How Holding Someone's Hair Back While They Puke Makes You Really Tight With One Another?

Hey. It's 2010. A few days ago it was 2009. How many of you rang in 2010 with promises of better things, places, people....a better you, perhaps? Don't answer that. I know 99.9% of you did and I was among you. It seems that since 2010 rolled it's big 'ol butt into town that I've felt like I have had a constant hangover.

You know...headache, stomachache, body aches....joy. Add to that a dollop of depression and HERE I AM!

I want to lose weight. I want to lose it so badly but I cannot for the life of me find any motivation or energy to do it. I have accepted the fact that I will never again look like the pre-baby me. I'm ok-ish about that. What I cannot accept is the weight that I have to take off that I'm not able to. I have come to one major conclusion about why I can't find the motivation or the willpower or the mojo...

My schedule.

I work until 6:00 pm or later every weekday except for Fridays and I don't get home until at least 6:30pm. AT LEAST. I have a 6 year old who needs me and a family that I have to take care of. Waking up in the morning early to work out makes me want to throw up. Seriously.


I need to do something though. I need to start to feel more comfortable in my skin and the only way that will happen is by losing weight. So, I just need to stop whining about my stinkin' schedule, right? It's just an excuse for the laziness that is ME.

So, I'm not going to make any New Year's resolutions because as all of us know...they get wasted faster than my dad at the VFW. I'm going to make a promise to myself and most importantly, to the people who care about me, to get healthier. No, I'm not going to be perfect but I'm also going to make a serious effort to accept that I will never have the body of Angelina Jolie. Wouldn't that be AWESOME though? I digress.

So there. Now, I've bared my soul to you. It's basically like holding my hair back while I puke, right?

We're tight now, yo.

I'd Like To Order A Large Helping Of Motivation, Please...

"Go ahead with your order when you're ready..."

"Yes, I'd like a large order of motivation, a side of ambition, and a healthy diet, please."