Excessive Peppiness Makes Me Want To Punch Puppies

Seriously.

Have you ever had one of those days or even weeks when you're just tired or grumpy or perhaps both? I happen to be having one of those this very week!

Well, for some reason there seems to be some kind of gravitational pull or Newton's Law or full moon or some crap happening that makes me a freaking magnet for shiny, happy people. Gosh it makes me want to just scream! What is it about me that makes people want to say things like:

Peppy Person: "How are you today?!"

Me: *blank stare*

Peppy Person: (Ignoring my stare of death) "I'm just super! My life is perfect...I just got a promotion and a corner office with floor to ceiling windows....my husband was just nominated for Mr. sexy-sensitive-let's-me-sleep-in-while-he-takes-care-of-the-kids-and-cooks-gourmet-dinners-and-gives-me-foot-massages-without-expecting-sex. OH! Did I mention that I just got all new furniture and lost 40 pounds and received Botox?! I DID!"

Me: *crawling under my desk*

It's times like this when I wish I had a trap door in front of my desk that opened to a vat of angry alligators. Just the push of a button and.....ahhhhhh...peace and quiet.

What are these people on?!? More importantly...where can I get some?