Monday, September 13, 2010

Overwhelmed

I read somewhere that about 70% of moms work outside of the home.

70 freaking percent.

I'm no math genius but that's most of us, right? Answer me this question:

Why do I feel so alone then?

I mean, if most of us mamas are working a job outside of the home then doesn't that make us the majority? Why is it like searching in the proverbial haystack for a needle to try and find another working mom to be friends with? Why am I surrounded by stay at home moms and dads at the bus stop every morning talking about which volunteer oportunity they're going to be doing that day at their childs school?

It's seriously like a game of *cue music* "Which one of these things is not like the other?"

After the bus comes and picks up our children, the stay at homes turn as a group and walk home while talking about what new cupcake recipe that they're using or how they need to make sure that they get little Mary to her Japanese lesson on time that afternoon. I turn the opposite direction, knowing that I won't get to lay my eyes on my precious child for at least 9 hours. It's like the Star-Bellied Sneetch's and the Plain-Bellied Sneetch's....and I'm missing a star.

The Sprite pointed out to me, when I was venting to her, that I would go insane if I stayed home. She reminded me of the time I was laid off for about 2-3 months and how I was ready to run screaming into the hills. She also pointed out that I'm not a bad mom for working because that isn't how being a "good mom" or a "bad mom" is defined. Just because I work does not mean I love my child any less.

It seems to me that most media is focused on the stay at home variety of parent. It's rare to read an article about a mom who works outside of the home. It seems it's socially acceptable and even encouraged for stay at home moms to "need a drink" but nothing seems to be said about how work outside the home moms never stop working either. Why would a woman who works outside of the home complain? They have their "break" by going to work.

Break? I don't think so.

I hate every minute of seperation from my daughter. I stress and worry that something will happen and I won't be able to get to her fast enough because I have to drive from the office I work at.  I feel like my life is almost constant chaos...there's never enough time to get what needs to be done, done. Am I a failure for  having to work outside the home? I think sometimes that I am. My house isn't ever as picked up as I want it to be. I don't play enough with my daughter. I'm always tired. The detective doesn't get enough attention from me. My clothes are never put away and dinner is always late because of my schedule.

In the end though, I just hope that my little girl knows how very, very much I love her...even if the dishes aren't always done.

4 comments:

Sara said...

I was JUST talking about how it feels like there aren't enough hours in the day to get everything done.

Working, Cooking, Cleaning, School, Exercising, Providing BJs to the fiancee..... it's a never ending list.

But you are obviously doing the best you can, and I'm sure your daughter will look back and realize that you worked your ass off for her. : )

Melanie said...

Sara...If only we could figure out how to reprogram the day and include about 6 more hours into it...Why can't I win the lottery? What do you mean I have to actually BUY a ticket to win?!? I call "Shenanigans"!

Annie D said...

You are definitely not alone! But I know how you feel. Every activity is geared toward SAHMs. I had to take my oldest half way across town for swim lessons because our rec center only offered them at 11:00 in the morning. I thought I would be good and stay fit during my 2nd pregnancy with some pre-natal yoga, but alas all of the classes were at 1:00 in the afternoon (turns out that was a blessing, it was a great excuse to not exercise!). We're out there, I promise!

I found you by way of DaMomma, love your blog!

Melanie said...

It's great to hear from another work outside of the home "leper"! HA!