There are moments in life that cause us to step back, pause, and re-evaluate who we are, what we do, and where we are going. Throughout the last few months of training I've discovered much about who I am deep down inside. Sometimes I wasn't very happy with what I found...stubbornness and the lack of willpower were the 2 things that I have faced over and over again head on. It was a constant test of my resolve when I got home at night, usually at 6:30 or 7:00 pm to get out and run or move my body in some way other than lifting dinner into my mouth and flopping down on the couch. I have to admit that guilt has been creeping in there lately too. Sometimes my daughter will look at me and beg me not to go for a run or workout. She just wants me and that's all there is to it. I give in sometimes because she is ultimately the most important thing in this life to me. That's when the guilt from not running or working out kicks in. Does it ever end?
I tell myself if I had better work hours or a cleaning service or prepared more meals the night before then things would be easier. I have this running banter in my head everyday! It's enough to make someone wither into a blubbering mess of ridiculousness, seriously. I try to convince myself that I'm setting a good example for my little munchkin and she'll learn the importance of health and exercise from me. Will she? Am I kidding myself? I grew up in a household with 2 parents who were thin naturally, they didn't have to exercise and I value physical health. Perhaps I just notice that I'm physically different from my parents and if I don't exercise I'll become horribly overweight. Even with exercise I have several pounds that I need to lose....*sigh*
This is a heavy post, eh? Shoot...does anyone have a caffeinated, mocha, Valium, Prozac, latte handy?