Diary Of An Insomniac

11:30pm: Climb into bed and even though I'm incredibly tired I lay there and stare at the ceiling.

12:01am: I swear at this point I can hear a Mourning Dove just outside my window...I realize it's just the Detective breathing through is nose as he slumbers. Elbow Detective to try and shut him up. He grunts and rolls over. I continue to stare at the ceiling.

2:30am: I look at the clock and realize that I got a bit of sleep...I think. Feeling proud, I close my eyes and...nothing. I'm awake again.

2:45am: SLEEPSLEEPSLEEPSLEEPSLEEPSLEEP...the chant running through my head. Toss, turn...my arm goes numb...I move that and realize that my legs have been moving so much that I might as well be running laps laying down. The Detective starts snoring...loudly as if to mock my inability to fall asleep...I kick him. Hard. He snores louder.

3:30am: OH MY GOSH I HAVE TO WORK IN THE MORNING. GO TO SLEEP! Ponder what needs to be done at work...think about blog subjects...immediately forget everything that I was thinking about because I'm delirious from lack of sleep.

6:30am: I must have blacked out for a while. The sun is coming up. I stand up and go to the bathroom. I look at my reflection in the mirror and realize that I could pack my entire wardrobe in the bags under my eyes. Sexy.

7:00am: Alarm. Snooze.

7:10am: Alarm. Snooze.

7:20am: Alarm. Snooze.

7:30am: The Detective gets up, gets ready for work. As he's leaving he says to me: "Make sure you wake up for the next alarm!" Consider locking him a room with an angry weasel. Grin evilly.

9:00am: Arrive at work. Co-worker says: "You look tired!" Picture co-worker falling into a hole.

If I don't get some sleep soon I'm probably going to end up in jail.